20 Signs You’ve Been Single Waaaaaaay Too Long!

Is there such a thing as terminal singledom? Well, maybe nothing that extreme, but like it or not you’re just like every loaf on the shelf when it comes to having a ‘best buy’ or ‘use before’ date.

So in the spirit of avoiding the spinster lifestyle, take stock of the following signs you’ve been out of the game way, way too long…and maybe take the hint too:

1 – Your grandparents don’t bother asking you about your love life anymore

2 – People either flinch or say ‘never mind’ when you tell them how long you’ve been single

3 – You’ve lowered your standard so far you now fancy folk you once hated

4 – You genuinely cannot remember your last sexual encounter…that you enjoyed

5 – You harbor an inherent bitterness to anyone on Earth daring to get married


6 – You’re giving serious thought to trying the ‘other side of the fence’ just for the sake of some action

7 – When couple’s trips or dates or organized, you don’t get an invite

8 – You’d happily list your cat/s as the most important thing in your life

9 – Given the chance, you’d give it another ‘go’ with an ex you dumped in 2003

10 – You bolt from the dance-floor when “All the Single Ladies” comes on

11 – You’ve resorted to lying about your love life…and nobody believes you

12 – When folk say “Don’t worry you’ll find someone” you’d quite like to punch them

13 – When a single friend hooks up, you instantly hate them…forever

14 – When a hooked-up friend talks about how great being single is, you almost DO punch them

15 – The clothes you used to wear to make an effort are more than three years old…and two sizes too small

16 – You’ve Google words like ‘celibacy’ just to see if there are any real merits

18 – One or both of your parents have sat you down and asked if you are secretly gay

19 – You’ve finally taken the step to bring beige slacks and elasticated waistbands into your collection

20 – You’re idea of a killer Saturday night involves Ben, Jerry’s and a butt-load of B-Movies